I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
