His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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