God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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