Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
