Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
