Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
