Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
