Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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