I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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