Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
