You just made me feel so damn special
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
