It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
