who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
