It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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