I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
