White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
