in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
