fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All I want is dick and wine.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
