When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
