the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
