Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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