I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
