My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
