What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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