you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
