I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
