i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
