i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
