I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
