Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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