Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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