So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I see more hoeing in ur future
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
