I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
