Already got asked if we're dating
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
