I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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