bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This is my gift to your gina
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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