OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
