you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Can you bring me the toilet please
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
