Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize
