I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
