I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
