Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
