Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
