So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
