I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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