i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
