don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
