you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
