I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
