kristin has been a bad kristin
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
