i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
