tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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