I can text with my tongue
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
