butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
