just tell him i said nine months
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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