You really coming over, don't trick.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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