So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
