we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What a dumb baby whore.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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