Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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