Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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