you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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